FAIRVIEW, Ala. – Beauty and high fashion collided at the Fairview Senior Center Friday morning in the Womanless Beauty Pageant. Six “ladies” competed for the crown and the admiration of their senior center peers. A crowd of about 50-60 gathered to see the beauties strut their stuff.
Fairview Senior Center Director Angie Carter provided everyone with brief bios on each of the lovely contestants.
Contestant number one was Josephine (Jerry) Paris who immediately tried to appeal to the judges by presenting each with a single red rose. “Josephine enjoys long walks on the beach and picking up seashells. Her hobbies include working on cars and trucks and her favorite thing to do is attend church with her husband Jo.”
Contestant number two was Loretta (Larry) Hodges “who enjoys exercising and going to the aquatic center. Her hobbies are talking and playing dress-up.” She said, “If you are looking for a good time, call 1-800-LORETTA.”
Contestant number three was Michelle (Michael) Stidham “who really enjoys the nightlife. She has been featured in several magazines for her outstanding pole-dancing abilities. Her hobbies include skating and dance classes. If you are interested in pole-dancing lessons, Michelle says just give her a call.”
Contestant number was Wendy (Wallace) “Whataburger” Pearson. “She enjoys watching western movies and dancing at the comedy club. Her hobbies are baking and grilling whataburgers, and she can often be found at Wally World dancing to ‘Boot Scootin’ Boogie.’”
Contestant number five was Tabby (Tony) Johns “who enjoys collecting reptiles and raising snakes. Her hobbies also include building things and having babies. She is currently expecting her 12th child next month and is excited to be having her first son. She plans on naming him Copperhead.”
Unfortunately, contestant number six was unable to make it to the pageant. Perhaps Roxy Linton discovered a run in her hose at the last minute. “An avid gardener, Roxy lists her favorite flower as the Venus Fly Trap. She also enjoys collecting Pokemon cards.”
Contestant number seven was Katherine (Kenneth) Graham “who loves playing cards and visiting the nearest nudist camp. Don’t worry, she claims to never go in the camp but simply looks over the fence. Her hobbies also include running and staying in shape in case she gets caught looking over the fence.”
Each contestant had a turn on the stage alone to impress the crowd and the panel of judges followed by an intense interview round. The “girls” did remarkably well and remained poised under the pressure.
The judges asked to see all the contestants together for one last look before calculating the scores. The crowd was also faced with a difficult decision when selecting the “People’s Choice” winner. The “ladies” really worked the crowd as they tried to earn support.
After an intense wait, the nerves began to show a bit on the faces of the contestants as they made adjustments to their various “assets.” Finally, the time had come for the results.
- Best Smile- Loretta Hodges
- Best Hair- Michelle Stidham
- Best Legs- Wendy Whataburger
- Best Dressed- Tabby Johns
- Best Model- Katherine Graham
- Flirtiest: Josephine Paris
- The People’s Choice Award went to Katherine Graham who looked overwhelmed with emotion after being selected by her friends.
- 2nd runner-up: Wendy Whataburger
- 1st runner-up- Josephine Paris
The 2020 Queen of the Fairview Senior Center Womanless Beauty Pageant is Katherine Graham. An impressive sweep of both the crowd and judges’ awards for her elegance, grace and stunning good looks. All the contestants celebrated as she was crowned.
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