To those feeling trapped in a desperate place — whether by financial burdens, the absence of meaningful relationships, or an overwhelming sense of being unloved and unwanted — I urge you to take a step back from the storm of emotions. Pause, if only for a moment, and reflect on what you have rather than what feels lacking.
This is not a hollow platitude. I speak from experience. Over the years, I’ve lost far too many friends — around 20 — to suicide. The emotional toll of the first loss is devastating, but when that number grows to double digits, it becomes maddening.
I’ve battled what doctors term “severe depression” since my teenage years. There have been moments when I, too, held the means to end my life and teetered on the edge of that fateful decision. What pulled me back each time wasn’t any grand epiphany or sudden change in circumstance. It was the presence of a small, steadfast group of friends who have known me for decades and truly understand the daily struggles I face.
Still, the fight never ends. Some days, life feels tolerable, even manageable. But then, a few weeks later, I’ll find myself back in the dark. For me, there are more days spent in that darkness than in the light. I know this is unhealthy, but I’ve made peace with keeping certain struggles to myself, not wanting to burden those I care about.
For those who face similar battles: I see you. I understand the hourly fight to keep moving forward, even when the weight feels unbearable. To anyone who has lost someone to suicide, please know I do not look down on them. I know, firsthand, that no amount of pleading or discussion can deter someone who has made the final decision.
But if you find yourself in that dark place, I implore you to reach out. Find someone who will listen — not to fix you, but simply to hear you. And for those listening, resist the urge to offer solutions. Often, the act of speaking is how we begin to untangle our pain.
For those experiencing depression or suicidal thoughts, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline by dialing 988. And if you’re someone with a loved one who is suffering, the hotline is also there to guide you in supporting them.
I’ve reported on many deaths throughout my career. But there’s a unique heaviness to writing about those who didn’t realize how much they were loved, who couldn’t see the lives they touched or the holes their absence would leave.
Tell your friends and family how much they mean to you. Remind them that their presence is a present, and that the world is better with them in it.
To anyone reading this, you are not alone. There is help. There is hope. And there is love — even when it feels hard to find.
Copyright 2024 Humble Roots, LLC. All Rights Reserved.
