These drone sightings over New Jersey remind me of a time years ago when mysterious lights were spotted over Birmingham, Alabama. I know because I’m the one who did it.
I have to make a confession: UFOs have always fascinated me. Maybe that’s because I watched “The Day The Earth Stood Still” when I was a kid, and it scared the bejeezus out of me. I always bought UFO magazines with my allowance.
In fact, I can still remember one of the articles I read years ago. It told readers how to make fake UFOs using dry cleaning bags, birthday candles and drinking straws. Supposedly, they would drift in the air with an unearthly glow. For whatever reason, that stuck with me. Boys always like the idea of making something that flies.
Years went by, and this nonsense was forgotten. However, one day my wife Carol brought home supplies for our young son’s birthday party, including tiny candles and plastic straws. And when I walked in the house with my dry cleaning and hung the bag over a kitchen chair, my inner child began yelling, “Look! Remember the UFOs? Everything we need to build one’s right here!”
I smiled and nodded. Listening to my inner child oftentimes got me in trouble, but it was usually lots of fun! I immediately grabbed everything and headed downstairs, when I heard another voice.
It was Carol, who asked, “What in the world are you doing?”
I gave her the standard husband reply.
“Nothing.”
“Then why are you going to the basement with all of that?”
“I’m doing an experiment. It’s nothing, really.”
She rolled her eyes and said, “Oh, I’m sure.”
Ignoring her sarcastic comment, I disappeared down the stairs. Soon, I managed to jerry-rig straws and candles to the bottom of the bag.
“This is never gonna work,” I thought.
“Have faith,” my inner child responded.
I took the contraption outside and began lighting the candles. Soon, the bag billowed from the warm air. It looked like a big plastic amoeba.
My inner child giggled and said, “This sucker’s gonna fly!”
And it did. The bag floated out of my hands as softly as a butterfly, and drifted about 20 feet over my head before it gently descended.
Eureka! I grabbed the balloon, and immediately headed down the street to my best friend Richard’s house. He loved immature shenanigans like this. That’s why my inner child and his inner child were best buddies. Within a half hour, the balloon had been reengineered, and we headed to a nearby playground for a test flight. We were delighted. The balloon climbed up in the sky, reflecting an eerie light from the candles.
The next day, we began producing balloons that could fly hundreds of feet high for almost 10 minutes. My mind raced with possibilities.
Our wives were not amused. Sadly, they saw this as a complete waste of time! I’m sure the Wright Brothers also faced this kind of resistance.
The following Saturday evening our spouses ordered us to stop the aerial foolishness and run to the grocery store. That was fine with us because my inner child had an idea that would make our trip worthwhile. Before we got in Richard’s truck, I grabbed a balloon.
It was Saturday night and the shopping center was buzzing. Every store was packed full of people. Richard and I wisely bought our groceries first, then pulled behind the store. In less than a minute, our little UFO was lit and slowly rising in the sky. Earthlings, beware!
A surreal scene greeted us when we pulled back around front. It looked like time was frozen. Traffic had stopped. Shoppers were gaping at the sky and pointing. We began laughing uncontrollably.
In a stroke of comedic genius, Richard took our prank to the next level. He pulled up to a couple, and began questioning them about the mysterious lights.
“Hey, what is that thing?” Richard asked a couple of Earthlings staring at the object, now hundreds of feet in the air.
The man pointed and replied, “Dunno. Maybe it’s a weather balloon.”
Richard would have none of that. “No, it’s not one of those. Weather balloons don’t glow. Look at those tiny little engines. It’s a UFO.”
The Earthling agreed, saying, “Could be. It ain’t making a sound. Maybe it’s somethin’ the military’s testing.”
His wife spoke up, saying, “Well, it’s scary for somethin’ to just appear out of nowhere like that.”
The balloon climbed higher. Soon, it started dropping tiny fireballs. This always happened when the candles began melting the straws. But the onlookers thought it was something more sinister. Someone pointed and shouted, “Hey, look! It’s shootin’ somethin’!”
And as if on cue, the balloon flickered and went out, vanishing in the night sky.
Everyone was stunned. “Did y’all see that?” the Earthling said loudly. “It’s gone! That thang just went into hyperspace!”
Both of our inner children were laughing uncontrollably.
Fast forward over 50 years. Last night, I took my 12-year-old granddaughter to dinner, and we began talking about the New Jersey drones.
She said, “Granddaddy, do you think they’re like those balloons you and Richard flew over the grocery store?
I smiled and answered, “I don’t know, honey. Maybe somebody had that same UFO magazine as I did.”
I’m sure I heard my inner child laughing.
#drones#dronesovernewjersey
Joe Hobby is a barbecue-loving comedian from Alabama who wrote for Jay Leno for many years. Find more of Joe’s stories on his blog: https://mylifeasahobby.blogspot.com. Follow him on Facebook at Joe Hobby Comedian-Writer.
