Too Young to Be Seventy—by Judith Viorst*
Deep in my heart I believe I’m
Too young to be seventy.
There are times when I’m wearing my baseball cap and my jeans
That I even can imagine that, glimpsed from the rear, I might be mistaken
For someone who could still be in her teens.
Late thirties? Early forties? Middle fifties?
I think I could do the middle fifties just fine,
Like that actress who, when asked how she could be fifty-four
When her son was forty-eight,
Replied, “My son lives his life, and I live mine.”
In the life that I’m living I’m
Too young to be seventy.
The woman I see in the mirror is not the real me.
When I elevate my chin,
When I suck my stomach in,
When I throw my shoulders back,
When I tighten all that’s slack,
I can’t be any more than
Sixty-one. And a half? Sixty-two? Okay, sixty-three.
As long as we can agree I’m
Too young to be seventy.
Too young in my heart and my soul,
If not in my thighs.
Too hopeful. Too eager. Too playful. Too restless.
Too insufficiently wise. Too young.
Did I mention too young?
Too young to be seventy.
NEVER TRUST A GERONTOLOGIST UNDER 70! I’ve been waiting 40 years to say that. Please forget, I was also one of those know-it-all punks who said, “Never trust anyone over 30.”
Truthfully, there is some great work in the study of aging being done by gerontologists of all ages. However, I’m not trying to achieve immortality through my research, I’m trying to do that by not dying.
This week, I joyfully celebrate my 70th birthday. Let there be cake and candles! (Also, let there, please be a smoke alarm.)
I think fondly of my youth and there are times when I am wistful about returning—then I remember long division, longing for love, and, oh yeah, that lobotomy. I’ve lived through Bullwinkle, Bull Connor, Bull Durham and a lot of bull, and I’m still here waiting for the “wisdom thing” to kick in. Until that happens, I’m spending this smile-making week having fun pondering witty and wise things others have said about living a joyful and long life.
Aphorisms, one-liners with a bit of sage and a sprinkling of humor, have been a tasty treat for me throughout the decades. Stephen Anthony Elkins and I offer up a lot of those in the musical we co-wrote, “The Original, One-Liner American Diner.”
In my years as a speechwriter and since, I’ve baked 5,000+ so-called original one-liners. I say “so-called,” because “the best things ever said” have mostly been served, frozen, re-heated and re-served through centuries. Some are the delicious classics, I’m placing before you today.
“The Gerontologist of Joy” talks I share, use the four, easily remembered elements of “The S.U.N.S. Age Joy System” (Smile-making, Uniting, Neighboring and Spellbinding) which are essential for a joyful life. Let’s have some good old fun with them.
SMILE-MAKING (Positive-Thinking and Positive Doing):
“I’m at an age where my back goes out more than I do.”—Phyllis Diller
“At my age, receiving flowers scares me.”—George Burns
Here’s a prescription for positivity from Dr. Susan Albers, a clinical psychologist with the Cleveland Clinic, this is for smiling more and eating less. It seems there was a study at the University of Wuppertal in Germany that shows people who smile during meals reduce food cravings more than frowners experience. As quoted in “Real Simple Magazine,” (June, 2021) “Albers suggests smiling between bites for a similar result. ‘It creates that pause moment and helps release serotonin,’ she says. ‘We do less emotional eating when we’re feeling happier.’”
UNITING (Connecting Deeply with Someone/Someones):
–“I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.”—Rodney Dangerfield
“Whatever you may look like, marry someone your own age—as your looks fade so will their eyesight.”—Phyllis Diller
Money nor fame are what make us happy. The greatest predictor of those who will become happy octogenarians are people who were satisfied with their personal relationships at age 50. This data is from a 75-year-long study of adult development done at Harvard University.
Psychiatrist and Zen priest, Dr. Robert Waldinger, the fourth director of this decades-long research project, shares the findings in a popular TEDtalk. If you, like me, are joy-aspiring, I encourage you to block out 12 minutes and 37 seconds of your life to listen to his words of well-researched wisdom. Google or search YouTube—“What makes a good life? Lessons from the longest study on happiness.”
The Harvard study tracks the lives of 754 men, their spouses and 2000+ children. The men were a split group of Harvard Sophomores and a group from one of Boston’s poorest neighborhoods. Having long-studied the intricacies of this voluminous research, Dr. Waldinger shares this concise conclusion: “Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Period.”
UNITING, connecting deeply, honestly and lovingly is the main thing which will add more joy to your years. Certainly, health, well-being, purpose and meaningful work matter—but above all, quality relationships hold the key to a joyful, long life.
Mark Twain, a happily long-married husband and a devoted father, wrote this late in his long life, “There isn’t time, so brief is life, for bickerings, apologies, heartburnings, callings to account. There is only time for loving, and but an instant, so to speak, for that.”
After a 30-year marriage, I have been single for the last 10 years. So, I’m always eager to know the latest research on “joy and coupling.” The good news for us happy singletons is that having a husband or wife is not the answer. The findings repeatedly underscore that one can be lonely in a marriage.
Over and over, year after year, decade after decade, the answer to having greater joy is in the quality and depth of UNITING with others, versus the quantity of connections. In-person hugs are the best, but research is increasingly suggesting that virtual relationships like those through social media and video gatherings can also be positively meaningful for connecting.
Whether you are 70 years old or 17 and want to live a joyful life, the psychiatric advice Dr. Waldinger offers in closing his TEDtalk is about UNITING: “Lean into connections with family, friends and community.”
NEIGHBORING (Others-Centeredness)
–“We could slow aging in Alabama if it had to work its way through the Montgomery legislature.”—Ben South
–“True terror is to wake up and realize your high school class is running the country.”—Kurt Vonnegut
Twenty-six percent of adults in the U.S. donate their time in some sort of NEIGHBORING activity as volunteers in their community. Most are between the ages of 35-54. These stats come from VolunteerMatch.org which also reports: “Studies have demonstrated that volunteers experience a ‘helpers high”—a prolonged feeling of calm, reduced stress and greater self-worth after helping others—and overall life satisfaction is higher among those who volunteer. Studies of senior citizens have found that volunteering “reduces the pace of functional decline and is related to lower rates of depression.” In short, NEIGHBORING is JOY-GIVING.
SPELLBINDING (Meaningfully Achieving with Focus)
–“By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere.”—Billy Crystal
Forget the naysayers’ phrase, “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.” That was first written in 1523 in a book of animal husbandry where it was used literally about training, uh, mature mutts.
A study at the acclaimed Baycrest Centre for Geriatric Care (Toronto) shows healthy old people can perform just as well as young adults on visual, short-term memory tests. Strikingly, what was news from that research for my old skull to learn is that we seniors use different areas of our resilient brains to think. Over the years, we have activated an array of areas of our brains and we are connecting the synapses to generate the— “wisdom thing.”
SPELLBINDING is about getting lost in a task you find rewarding and pleasurable. This old dog, me at 70, plans to learn some travel Spanish, re-learn how to play “Ragtime Jazz” trombone, write a fun TEDtalk about “Joy & Gerontology” and add more stretching or yoga to my daily exercise. Whatever your age, what new skills would you find SPELLBINDING to learn?
A JOYFUL, LONG LIFE can more likely be yours with this collective wisdom prescribed by gerontologists: 1) Think Up– positively and creatively, 2) Connect deeply and lovingly, 3) Love your neighbors and the earth we share, and 4) Be transported by getting in the “flow” of an activity that you find meaningful.
JOY-GIVERS CELEBRATING A BIRTHDAY THIS WEEK
March 5—Eva Mendes
March 6—Shaquille O’Neal & Me
March 7—Luther Burbank
March 8—Micky Dolenz, The Monkees
March 9—Bobby Fischer, Chess “king”
March 10—Chuck Norris
March 11—Lawrence Welk
JOKES ABOUT A JOYFUL, LONG LIFE
“I grew this goatee thinking it would say ‘Distinguished Gentleman,’ but it really shouts “Senior Discount, please!”
“Nearing 70, I’ve become a bit nostalgic about the art I’ve created over the years, especially my work on the cave paintings at Lascaux.”
“My doctor says I could father another kid after 70. But I think 70 is enough.”
AMUSE-BOUCHE with COLORADO ADZUKI BEANS
(Source: drumbeets.com)
The culinary term “amuse-bouche” comes from the French “amuser” (to amuse) and “bouche” (mouth). At fancypants restaurants an amuse-bouche is a delightful, little bite, “a gift from the chef” and comes as a treat before the main meal.
Each week, Joy & Gerontology shares a recipe saluting a healthy food produced in America. The delicious and nutritious collection is called “The S.U.N.S. USA Longevity Cookbook” and highlights vitamin B-3 (niacin) which many research gerontologists believe holds the promise for a long, healthy, joyful life.
INGREDIENTS
12 oz Adzuki (mung) beans, soaked overnight or 12 oz red lentils
¼ cup red wine vinegar
1 Tablespoon sugar
1 teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons black pepper
1 teaspoon cumin
1 teaspoon mustard seed
½ teaspoon turmeric
½ teaspoon nutmeg
½ teaspoon coriander
½ teaspoon cardamon
¼ teaspoon cayenne pepper
¼ teaspoon clove
¼ teaspoon cinnamon
1 cup currants
1/3 cup capers, drained
½ cup diced red onion
½ cup parsley, chopped
DIRECTIONS
Step 1) Place beans in a bowl and cover with water to soak overnight—the water should be at least 2 inches higher than the beans. In the morning, drain the beans and place them in a pot with new water and bay leaf. Simmer on low heat for 30-60 minutes until tender but not falling apart. Strain. Let cool and place in a large bowl.
Step 2) Measure all spices. Best if you can start with whole spices and grind in a spice mill or coffee grinder. Whisk together with oil, vinegar, sugar and salt. Pour over beans, add remaining salad ingredients and gently fold to mix all together. Marinate for at least 2 hours but 5-6 hours is better or overnight. To serve as an amuse-bouche, mound a dollop of the mixture on an array of large, silver soup spoons and present on a tray or platter.
1,070 JOY-GIVING THINGS FROM MY FIRST 70 YEARS (continued)
206. The “100th Birthday Salute” of Willard Scott on “The Today Show.”
207. Bob Will’s yodeling.
208. The whistling theme song of “The Andy Griffith Show.”
209. The slide of a steel guitar.
210. Kazoos.
211. Kathryn Tucker Windham, joy-giving storyteller.
212. Derby Pie.
213. The Flip Side.
214. Double Solitaire.
215. Anonymous donors.
216. Nat King Cole, Montgomery native.
217. Zelda Sayre, Montgomery native.
218. Line dancing with an Alabama, Southern Baptist Governor and First Lady at the mansion.
219. Bob Dylan singing like “Floyd, the barber” in Tuscaloosa.
220. The behind-the-scenes, time-weaving computers at Mt. Vernon.
221. The bold interior paint colors of America’s bold First President.
222. “Mork from Ork” and the hand signal.
223. My sister-in-law’s sweet potato casserole recipe.
224. Dorothy Draper’s “Why Don’t You?” advice column.
225. “Worlds Apart” from “BIG RIVER” sung by Mark Lawrence.
226. Making a yoyo “Walk the Dog.”
227. Brainstorming with “Hammerin’ Hank” Aaron’s sister.
*This delightful poem is from a collection of works by Judith Viorst, titled “I’M TOO YOUNG TO BE SEVENTY…and Other Delusions.” The joy-giving book was a birthday gift to me from my friend and local librarian, Sharon Townson.
HAVE A JOYFUL, LONG LIFE and HAPPY MARCH!
