CULLMAN – Chronic drug abuse can lead to loss of employment, loss of family, homelessness and myriad health conditions leading to death. Methamphetamine use provides an accelerated path to addiction, and, as with all addictions, distances the addict from his or her feelings making incomprehensible actions and choices doable and even easy.
“I’ve got two girls. I started using meth after they were born. I met somebody when I was married to my girls’ dad and I thought he was the grandest thing on earth. I left my husband for him and the new man was a dope head. I left my kids and my family. I never went back. At the time, I wasn’t even thinking about my kids. I was sneaking around doing meth before I left my family. I was still seeing my girls in the beginning. I didn’t think they knew I was even using. Then, it got to the point when I didn’t even go see them and I wouldn’t let them come to my house because I didn’t want them to be around it. It was like I quit caring,” Betty shared in disbelief.
The lifelong Cullman resident began using meth at the age of 30 after beginning her drug use at the age of 13 when she tried marijuana and pills for the first time. After her father’s murder when she was 28, Betty stopped using drugs for a couple of years but was soon introduced to meth.
“My dad was very abusive to my mom and he went to prison for killing his own brother. They say what goes around, comes around, and my dad’s girlfriend ended up killing him.”
Quick to point out that her childhood is not an excuse for her drug use, Betty says it’s just a part of her story and her past which made it easier for her to make poor choices.
“I had been molested by my stepdad from the time I was about 7 until I was 16. I guess that’s why I started using when I was just 13. I guess that’s why I did it. Me and my counselor have talked about this and that’s the only reason I can figure out why I even started using. I got wild.”
After she began using meth, Betty eventually lost her job and began displaying common symptoms of long-term meth abuse with increased paranoia, mood swings, increased anxiety and difficulty sleeping.
In her own words, “I was a basket case and I hated, absolutely hated, myself.”
Methamphetamine use can also produce vast cardiovascular problems including increased heart rate and blood pressure and irregular heartbeat. Psychosis is common with visual and auditory hallucinations and delusions.
Eventually, Betty stopped using meth, but initially, it wasn’t by her own choice.
“I quit using when I got arrested for the third time. Third time. Not once, not twice but three times. I can’t say anything bad about CNET (Cullman Narcotics Enforcement Team). They saved my life. When I got arrested, one of the guys told me, ‘Betty, I’m not letting you out until we can find a long-term rehab for you.’ I went to jail, and sure enough, Judge Chaney pulled my bond.
“In jail was the first time I ever got on my knees and prayed. I fell to my knees and said, ‘I know I’ve messed up but please just wrap your arms around me and let me know that you’re there.’ I swear I could feel something coming around me. It was pretty awesome.
“I was already on bond from the other arrests. I just knew that I wasn’t getting out since he pulled my bond. One of the ladies here at the house was in jail with me and she talked me into filling an application out. I didn’t see any sense in it. I thought there was no way the judge was going to let me out, but he did. He said he would let me out if I came here. I’m still dealing with the courts, but Judge Chaney has been really awesome. I haven’t failed a drug test since I’ve been here. I’m the house mom here now. I’m not saying this place saved my life, but the structure, the support and the people who work here have helped a lot. They didn’t have to accept me.”
Betty was released from jail almost a year and a half ago directly into the hands of Carol Berry and Restoring Women Outreach, which now operates three sober living facilities in Cullman and offers a 12-month program.
“I’m still here in the recovery house after 17 months because it’s a safe place for me. I graduated from the program in February, but I’m still here and I’ve been clean for a total of 19 months. I’m afraid to leave because, if I’m having a bad day, I’m afraid I might use even though I don’t crave it. But, who’s to say I won’t use? I hope I’m strong enough to not use and I feel like I am, but I can be 100 percent certain. Right now, living in this home, I am 100 percent certain and safe. It also helps me to work with these girls who are new to the program. I’ve been blessed by them.
“I wanted to leave every day in the first six months I got here. I just wanted to leave. I just wanted to get out of here. That’s when all of my feelings started coming back and I wanted to run away from them. This is the first time I’ve worked with the feelings, the guilt and the shame about leaving my girls and family. I love them so much.”
Betty’s relationship with her daughters is improving, slowly but surely.
“I didn’t think they knew I used until I got arrested, but they did. I don’t see them a lot but not because I don’t want to. I do see them though. They’re grown with their own babies now. I’ve been struggling with seeing them and reaching out to them without forcing them to accept me. My youngest has started sending me pictures of her baby. We drove by where she worked and I finally had the courage to go in. I tried to find some excuse to be there so I decided to buy some lip gloss. I was walking down the aisle and she said, ‘Mom?’ I looked up and we talked for a long time. That’s the first time I’ve heard her say ‘I love you’ in 20 years. I’ve not tried to push them. I’m making my living amends with them and letting them see, by my actions, that I’m a different woman and a different mom now. She and her husband are building a new house and she wants me to come and look at it as they’re building it so that’s awesome. My oldest daughter hasn’t come as far but I’m okay with that today. I used to have said, ‘You’re going to come see me! I gave you birth!’ Today we can go at her pace.
“Life has been really good since I got here. Things that I never would have thought would happen are happening. My sister is an addict and she’s now been in recovery since February. God is working with all of my family. I had never been able to pray with anybody, and when I would go on my passes, I would pray with my family. I had never been able to do that until now. My ex-husband even texted me and said he just wanted me to know how proud he was of me.”
Today, Betty works hard with the ladies in the recovery home, works at a local restaurant and works diligently at her 12-step program. She has long-term goals now as well.
“I want to write a book. I’ve started writing bits and pieces of it. It’s going to be called ‘Second Chance’ and I want all of the girls here to write a chapter and share their stories.
“The girls at the house help me so much. When it is time for me to go home, I still want to be involved in this house and with these girls. When I first got here, I hated myself. I was so ashamed and didn’t even know who I was. Today, I love myself, and that’s something I can teach them.”
Part 1: http://cullmansense.com/articles/2016/05/22/addiction-family-affair-part-1
Part 2: http://cullmansense.com/articles/2016/05/29/addiction-game-changer-part-2
Part 3: http://cullmansense.com/articles/2016/06/05/addiction-luckiest-guy-i-know-part-3
Part 4: http://cullmansense.com/articles/2016/06/11/addiction-christ-centered-recovery-part-4
Part 5: http://cullmansense.com/articles/2016/06/25/addiction-food-part-5
Part 6: http://www.cullmansense.com/articles/2016/07/02/addiction-alcoholism-and-consequences-being-life-party-part-6
