CULLMAN – Stevie is a successful career woman with a bright teen son. Since her divorce from her son’s father 10 years ago brought her back home to Cullman, Stevie has lived a comfortable life as a vibrant single mom with an extended network of friends and a supportive family behind her. She lives in a beautiful home and drives a new car. For many years, Stevie was the life of the party. Today, she is a recovering alcoholic whose last foray into heavy drinking led her to a stroke and seizure disorder in her early 40s, the effects of which are still felt today.
She described her literal deaths from stories she has been told about the events.
“I was sent by ambulance to the emergency room where I had a stroke and a lot of seizures during my 14-day hospital stay. I flat lined twice while I was there. I died twice. I recall none of it.”
Stevie’s first drink came at the age of 10 when she snuck champagne at a family wedding. She was caught and waited four years to try again. At 14, Stevie accompanied her sister to a party where she fell in love with drinking, how it made her feel and the person she became when drunk. After that party, her goal was to be that person as often as possible which meant drinking at every opportunity.
“I liked the person I was when I drank. I loved drinking. I loved everything about it until it got to the point where it completely defeated me. I couldn’t drink. I couldn’t not drink.”
She prided herself in her ability to outdrink both men and women during her college years. Then, in her professional career, drinking was a part of the networking required in her chosen field.
“There was nothing in my life that didn’t involve alcohol. Everybody that I drank with didn’t have a problem with drinking, but I did. I probably wasn’t as good as hiding my drinking as I thought I was, but a lot of people did not know. They didn’t know because I was either drinking more in the bathroom or because I would take myself home before it got too bad. Then, I’d drink more when I got home.”
Certain addictions, such as alcoholism and food addiction, are more socially acceptable due to their legal status and do not carry the same stigma as others such as heroin and methamphetamine addictions. Yet, they are more deadly and often more devastating.
“I was getting my self-worth from career accomplishments, and to feel good about myself, I would do more work. More career accomplishments meant more responsibility and I was overloaded with stress. I had all of my plates spinning and they started falling. So, where I had found my value previously, I was then failing at and almost drank myself to death.”
The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA) reports alcohol-related deaths to be the fourth leading preventable cause of death in the country, and that driving deaths due to alcohol impairment counted for 31 percent of the total driving fatalities in 2014. Those numbers do not account for the deaths from secondary diseases related to alcohol addiction such as liver disease and cirrhosis. Financially, alcohol abuse cost the United States approximately $249 billion in 2010.
Previous to her stay in intensive care following her stroke and seizures, Stevie had attempted to get sober but was unsuccessful at maintaining her sobriety.
“I went to a treatment center a couple of years ago because I knew I drank a little too much, but I was still a functional alcoholic. I had been to the doctor who did bloodwork that showed my liver enzymes were off. I thought about it and drinking wasn’t fun anymore so I thought I would just go to treatment for a little while. I was awesome while I was in treatment, but I had no clue about recovery. I thought you went to treatment, paid your money, and when I left treatment, everything would be the same, I just wouldn’t drink. I drank three days after I got home.
“I became resentful because, if I couldn’t drink, then my life was over. I didn’t even think I could sleep without drinking. That scared me to death. I didn’t think I would be funny. I didn’t think anyone would like me.
“After treatment, I was in this awful place where I couldn’t not drink and I couldn’t drink. I drank and tried to hide it. I was miserable. When most people thought I was sober, I was actually drinking just to maintain. I decided to go back to treatment. But, the treatment center wouldn’t let me stay because my vital signs indicated that I was a medical emergency. That’s when I was transported to the emergency room.”
After her stay in the hospital, Stevie wanted to return to a treatment center but none would take her.
“Near the end of my hospital stay I decided that I needed to go back to treatment but nowhere would take me because I was a liability. I was very weak on my left side, couldn’t stop drooling and was on a walker.”
Fortunately, a local sober, transitional living facility opened its doors to Stevie, and through her six-month stay there, Stevie developed humility and a profound gratitude for her life and sobriety. She attends 12-step meetings almost every day and has a sponsor, a sort of mentor, in Alcoholics Anonymous.
“I let a lot of people down professionally and in my family. Letting go of all of that shame has been difficult. There’s a lot of shame in doing what I did. I can get embarrassed by it if I don’t keep my head straight. In some ways, I guess a lot of people think I dropped off of the face of the earth, but for right now, that’s what I need to do to stay away from alcohol.”
While her relationship with her former friends has changed, Stevie doesn’t lack for loved ones as she now nurtures healthy relationships formed with other women and men in the rooms of recovery.
“What I found out, though, is that life is better than I ever thought it could be. I had thought my life would be over without drinking. But, now I am thankful to be a recovering alcoholic because it’s given me humility and gratitude. And, my relationship with my child and my family is better than I could have imagined. I love recovery today.”
Part 1: http://cullmansense.com/articles/2016/05/22/addiction-family-affair-part-1
Part 2: http://cullmansense.com/articles/2016/05/29/addiction-game-changer-part-2
Part 3: http://cullmansense.com/articles/2016/06/05/addiction-luckiest-guy-i-know-part-3
Part 4: http://cullmansense.com/articles/2016/06/11/addiction-christ-centered-recovery-part-4
Part 5: http://cullmansense.com/articles/2016/06/25/addiction-food-part-5
